Early morning, our warm bodies cradled in a spoon position, the heat of his erection pressed against the cushion of my bottom. My pink satin and lace nightie twisted upwards from sleep, the cotton of his briefs against my skin. He slowly presses, in a rhythm, and I am lulled into morning with his desire, asking my body, to enter. He grabs my hips, his hard cock out springing out of the fabric, his underwear, the elastic band lowering around his hips, he shoves it further down, removing his briefs altogether. The velvety head of his penis searches for my wet pussy lips, a stroke up and down, circling. I am awake now, quiet, letting him take me, drowsy and pleasantly relaxed. He slides the head of his shaft along my labia, and the insistent pressure of his hard penis delving deeper, until he moans softly, plunging his sex completely inside.

Sideways.

I had loved lazy mornings like this, before children were born, indulging in sleepy morning sex. It rarely happens now. When we have enjoyed the sideways morning sex, it was due to wanting to make love, but the house was full of visiting family members, adding challenges to our responsible parenting mode even more so. The “when to make love” quest left for late evenings, changed to “how to look asleep but still make love quietly”.  Forming strategies to have secret, shh-don’t-wake-anyone sex evolved into the sideways, or spooning, position. It always comes in handy for such moments.

We tried spooning during pregnancy. It made me feel very awkward, and much like a beached whale. Also, the position was challenging with my big belly, to reach orgasm, unless using a vibrator on my clitoris. Anal sex is great in this position, however. Sideways adds lots of possibilities with toys and anal pleasures. He can enter vaginally and use a toy anally, or vice versa.

All the variations of spooning and sideways positions are also fun for more active romps in the hay, with legs up, scissor position; him kneeling in between, thrusting, sideways. Lying on my side, holding my leg up, he enters sideways, just so reaching my clitoris is possible, or using a vibrator, depending. He can cup my breasts and watch my response to his sideways thrusts and plunges. It’s a sexy position, sideways. Yes, it conjures up thoughts of wine bottles and dreams.

Slow spooning, sleepy sideways sex, smooth, slippery, sensual. Sliding sleepily or slithering suggestively, spray of semen and sweet sexual satisfaction, she smiles. Sideways sex. It asks for words that suggest the letter “s” to describe the seductive ways we can enjoy sideways. When cooking soup, we cradle the ladle in a large spoon shaped dish. Something so sensual about a spoon. Tasting custards, crème brulee, creamy soups, the spoon itself becomes phallic, the curve against our tongue, suggests, sucking.

In the Kama Sutra, when both lovers are lying on their sides, the woman offers her buttocks and his penis penetrates the ‘house of love’: this is called Nagabandha (the Elephant) Position.

In Chinese Taoist Sex practices, the imitation of animals in nature tends to be the way lovers name the various sex positions. The Fish Displays Its Gills Position: The man positions himself behind the woman and enters her. He then draws her close to him and gently pushes her forward so that she ends up lying face down with her legs separated like a fish displaying its gills to the sun. If this posture is begun while the woman is on bent knees or standing, it is called “Making Fire Behind the Hill.” My Chinese Taoist sex manual describes a multitude of positions, and the sideways positions are not as descriptive or plentiful. Perhaps its languid aspect lends itself to restful moments. Sideways is the lover’s way of restful pleasure.

“Sex has been called the original sin, but there is nothing original about it, nor is it sinful.”~ Osho

More often than not, I prefer what is called, the Missionary position. A terribly unsexy name, I must admit. It conjures up visions of Missionaries, and I’m not sure if they have a sensual connotation for you, but it’s not something I find sexy.

Having difficulty in imagining a so-called Missionary, I can only begin to imagine the dowdy brown tunics they must wear, and of course, the fabric isn’t made of silk. Silk robes, like the Chinese ones, would be sensual. The feeling of silk is suggestive of skin against skin, and the deliciousness of it all. Oh no, my Missionaries wear wool. Scratchy brown wool. The brown wool isn’t a lovely chestnut, nor is it espresso. It is brown. Without any imagination whatsoever. Brown as blah as brown can be. And why bring Missionaries into the naming of sex positions if they won’t talk about it? It’s like naming ice cream flavors with someone who is lactose intolerant. Did Missionaries actually have sex? It a good question to ask if they are involving themselves as enforcers of sex positions that are the proper way.

It’s like naming ice cream flavors with someone who is lactose intolerant. Did Missionaries actually have sex? It a good question to ask if they are involving themselves as enforcers of sex positions that are ‘the proper way.’

The myth of “Missionary Position”, the name, came into existence because of Christian Missionaries. Thus, the appellation “Missionary Position” was coined due to their teachings. They taught, like a celibate schoolmarm, that the “man-on-top” position was the only appropriate way to have sexual intercourse. They believed it should be face-to-face, “man-on-top” so all the semen flowed into the woman’s vagina properly enough to conceive. And, of course, that would be the only reason to have sex. Goodness.

We can only guess that Missionaries themselves weren’t doing it doggy style, or they would have chosen that position as the “only proper way.” The sole purpose for doing it in the first place was simply to make babies. Naturally. Horses do it from behind, and so do many animals, including our doggy friends. But it works for them. (I cannot imagine dogs or cats trying other positions). However, Bonobos monkeys, gorillas and armadillos do it, ahem, Missionary style.

In Western civilization, writing about sex (and sex positions) was generally frowned upon. Henry Miller and Anais Nin were daring and revolutionary, writing erotic stories for an unknown patron. Why, then, after such brave writers have written about sex, blazing the trail for sexual freedom, do we not rename this luscious position? Why do we still call it… Missionary?

Tuscan Italians call the position “Angelic Position”, which feels downright appropriate.

It’s heavenly.

Historical sex position preferences are found to differ around the world for various reasons. The Greeks preferred it from behind. Marrying young girls, bending them over beds, and taking them was preferable. Of course, young boys were also favored this way. But that’s another subject entirely.

The Chinese were superstitiously inclined to choose “man-on-top” due to their belief that males were born face down and females were born face up. Some Colombians liked the “man-on-top” position because the woman could hold still: if the woman moved during sex, the earth would fall, because the four giants who supported the earth on their shoulders would be shaken and therefore drop the planet. It took much female shaking to cause world disaster. Sex with the “man-on-top” was a primary safety precaution in Colombia. A woman should not move her pleasure-filled body, lest the world be ruined. Indians in Kerala believed the “man-on-top” position created warriors. Brazilian Indians avoided Missionary Position, as they preferred equality during sex, with neither partner above or under one another. The Balinese also avoided the “man-on-top” position and favored the “lotus position” with the man sitting and the woman squatting and moving her hips.

Curious to think about this wonderfully intimate position as approved of by the Medieval Catholic Church. And let’s not forget our friend Thomas Aquinas. Aquinas believed that it went against nature to have sexual intercourse in “unnatural” positions (with the “Missionary Position” being considered the only natural one). Everything else was full of sin and lust. Alright, Thomas. We like the idea of a little lust in our sexual explorations and pleasures. But maybe he didn’t like sex very much.

And while we are on the subject, why is the slang for penis a “John Thomas” anyway? Thinking of poor Thomas Aquinas, I think of his sad John Thomas, aching for a roll in the hay. And “Lady Jane” is 19th century slang for vagina? Of course, once again, because our brave and daring writers! Dear D. H. Lawrence had to come up with names for sex organs in order to write about sex. He would have been much more adventurous if it wasn’t for the pressure of censorship.

“Thrusting alone is typically insufficient to bring a woman to orgasm: “What does bring her to climax is having a nice stiff penis in there, plus weight, pressure, and friction on her entire genital area (especially the clitoris), as well as on her thighs and stomach. It’s the way a man presses down on her, puts his weight on her, and rubs her with his body that makes her have an orgasm.” ~ Xaviera Hollander

I must agree with Xaviera Hollander, because that explanation is why I love the, um, Angelic Position.

home decor at it's best.

And while we are on the subject, I found a few things to decorate the bedroom with.

Check out Cafe Press : http://www.cafepress.com/+missionary-position+pillows