Orgasms. The magical gift our bodies have to create indescribable pleasure. When we orgasm, our brains are conducting a symphony of pleasure, and the crescendo (or perhaps many crescendos during multiple orgasms) of it all: the orgasm.
Orgasms are very individual in experience, between men and women, and even different again, how each person reaches orgasm. And not one orgasm is exactly the same as another. Orgasms and their varying intensities can also depend on one’s biorhythms during the day, the week, the month. Our bodies respond better when relaxed and feeling secure. If we are feeling relaxed, our pleasure centers are able to bring us to a wider range of orgasmic bliss. Studies and research have all proven that orgasms are good for you. Not only are they good to experience, but orgasms are an integral part of our wellness and vitality.
Here is a link>> to The Kinsey Institute of Sexual Research<<< for information about all kinds of sexual research and data. There is a wealth of information on masturbation, erogenous zones, fantasy, foreplay, oral sex, bisexuality, anal sex, and other sex related topics. Take note: these studies were done between 1948-1953, so that particular data is outdated, but interesting to see how much has changed since. The Kinsey Institute has a Current Research page with plenty of topics to browse. The current research questions are about sexual psychology, neuroscience, biology, gender studies, sociology and other fields that emphasize the complexities of sexual interest, behavior, and sexual health.
Research of human sexual response by the Masters & Johnson research team was initially conducted from 1957 to 1965, which began their series of studies in human sexuality. Their observation of 382 women and 312 men in these initial studies, estimated to be “10,000 complete cycles of sexual response,” made groundbreaking findings and began theories about sex and sexual response that had not been discovered before. (Except for Taoist Sexual Practices, but we will cover that later.)
About Masters & Johnson’s discovery of human sexual response via Wikipedia:
Four stage model of the sexual response
One of the most enduring and important aspects of their work has been the four stage model of sexual response, which they described as the human sexual response cycle. They defined the four stages of this cycle as:
- Excitement phase (initial arousal)
Plateau phase (at full arousal, but not yet at orgasm)
- Orgasm
Resolution phase (after orgasm)
This model shows no difference between Freud‘s purported “vaginal orgasm” and “clitoral orgasm“: the physiologic response was identical, even if the stimulation was in a different place.
(My note: I am in disagreement with Freud’s theories on the female orgasm. This mention is simply due to the quote. Research is also proving Freud’s theories as inaccurate assumptions.)
Masters and Johnson’s findings also revealed that men undergo a refractory period following orgasm during which they are not able to ejaculate again, whereas there is no refractory period in women: this makes women capable of multiple orgasm. They also were the first to describe the phenomenon of the rhythmic contractions of orgasm in both sexes occurring initially in 0.8 second intervals and then gradually slowing in both speed and intensity.
Orgasms can help us let go of stress. They can help us heal. They can prolong our lives. We sleep better and feel better. We want more of them. But, what goes on in our brains when we are enjoying sex? Discovery Health tells us all about it:
Without nerves sending impulses back to the spinal cord and brain, an orgasm wouldn’t be possible. Just like any other area of the body, the genitalia contain different nerves that send information to the brain to tell it about the sensation that’s being experienced. This helps to explain why the sensations are perceived differently depending on where someone is being touched. A clitoral orgasm, for example, differs from a vaginal orgasm because different sets of nerves are involved.
All of the genitalia contain a huge number of nerve endings (the clitoris alone has more than 8,000 of them), which are, in turn, connected to large nerves that run up through the body to the spinal cord. (The exception is the vagus nerve, which bypasses the spinal cord.) They perform many other functions in the body in addition to providing the nerve supply, and therefore feedback to the brain, during sexual stimulation. Here are the nerves and their corresponding genital areas:
hypogastric nerve - transmits from the uterus and the cervix in women and from the prostate in men
pelvic nerve - transmits from the vagina and cervix in women and from the rectum in both sexes
pudendal nerve - transmits from the clitoris in women and from the scrotum and penis in men
vagus nerve - transmits from the cervix, uterus and vagina
The role of the vagus nerve in orgasms is a new discovery and there’s still much that’s unknown about it; until recently, researchers didn’t know that it passed through the pelvic region at all.
Since most of those nerves are associated with the spinal cord, it would stand to reason that a person with a severed spinal cord wouldn’t be able to have an orgasm. And for a very long time, that’s what people with these types of injuries were told. However, recent studies show that people with spinal cord injuries — even parapalegics — can reach orgasm. Dr. Barry Komisaruk and Dr. Beverly Whipple of Rutgers University conducted a study on women with severed spinal cords in 2004. They discovered that these women could feel stimulation of their cervixes and even reach orgasm, although there was no way their brain could be receiving information from the hypogastric or pelvic nerves. How was this possible? An MRI scan of the women’s brains showed that the region corresponding to signals from the vagus nerve was active. Because the vagus bypasses the spinal cord, the women were still able to feel cervical stimulation.
So during sexual stimulation and orgasm, different areas of the brain receive all of this information that lets it know exactly what’s happening — and that what’s happening is very enjoyable. But until recently, we had no way of knowing exactly what was happening in the brain at the exact moment of orgasm.
You may have heard that the brain has a pleasure center that lets us know when something is enjoyable and reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. This is also called the reward circuit, which includes all kinds of pleasure, from sex to laughter to certain types of drug use. Some of the brain areas impacted by pleasure include:
- amygdala - regulates emotions
- nucleus accumbens - controls the release of dopamine
- ventral tegmental area (VTA) - actually releases the dopamine
- cerebellum - controls muscle function
- pituitary gland - releases beta-endorphins, which decrease pain; oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust; and vasopressin, which increases bonding
So, our brains “light up with pleasure” just as much as our bodies do during an orgasmic release. And it is release. It is all about letting go. This is what Buddhists call “enlightenment”— letting go. It’s not about attaining orgasm but letting go that allows us to be orgasmic.
In our Western society, we say that we are “coming” when we orgasm. But in Japan, they say they are “going.” Literally. “I’m going” is what a Japanese person might say during orgasm, or “iku” the verb which translates as “to go” or “going” and “ikitai?” which means, “do you want to go?”
Comings and goings alike, we love the orgasmic feeling of complete bliss. We are in the euphoric state of deliciousness. It’s so good! Yes! We can growl like an animal, groan and scream, moan and laugh. Let it all go. It’s so good, in fact, that our bodies respond favorably. With a release of endorphins, an orgasm relieves tension and stress, and we feel high. And we are!
Here’s a little factoid I found:
Dr. Gert Holstege stated that the brain during an orgasm looks much like the brain of a person taking heroin. Holstege said in an interview with the London Times, “Letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm.”
From Wikipedia:
Orgasm, and indeed sex as a whole, are physical activities that can require exertion of many major bodily systems. A 1997 study in the British Medical Journal based upon 918 men age 45–59 found that after a ten year follow-up, men who had fewer orgasms were twice as likely to die of any cause as those having two or more orgasms a week. A follow-up in 2001 which focused more specifically on cardiovascular health found that having sex three or more times a week was associated with a 50% reduction in the risk of heart attack or stroke. (Note that as a rule, correlation does not imply causation).
Did you read that? Men who had fewer orgasms were twice as likely to die of any cause as those having two or more orgasms a week. So get your two or more a week, boys. And reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke by having sex three or more times a week. And, what about women?
For women, frequent and plentiful orgasms are important to maintaining excellent health. There are many reasons for women to have orgasmic pleasure in their daily life. Healths benefits galore! It also makes you happier. Oxytocin levels are increased, and that is linked to our life’s passion, our relationships, and our wellness. Sexual vitality and a happier, healthier woman you will be.
Orgasms are necessary for our well being. Here are some reasons why:
There are so many reasons why orgasms are good. We just can’t live without them, can we? When we do, we feel like something is missing. Right?
There are those who have difficulty having an orgasm. Usually the causes are depression, anxiety, medications, psychological traumas, and abuse. To help heal those issues, sexual exploration and tender loving care is necessary.
For relationships that have waned in the sex and intimacy areas, some loving compassion and extra attention should be the focus, and not the issue of sex itself. Sometimes depression, weight gain, hormones, medications, and stress are the sources of why she or he does not want to make love. After childbirth, in particular, a woman feels a natural shift. A new mother’s love and attention drifts away from her partner, focusing solely on her newborn baby. Months might pass before she feels up to enjoying sex, or even masturbating. Sleep is also a factor. A new parent may just be too sleep deprived to want anything else but a nap.
Shere Hite, an American-born German, sex educator and feminist, did sexological work focused on female sexuality.
About Shere Hite from Wikipedia:
Hite has focused on understanding how individuals regard sexual experience and the meaning it holds for them. Hite has criticised Masters and Johnson’s work for uncritically incorporating cultural attitudes on sexual behaviour into their research. For example, Hite’s work showed that 70% of women do not have orgasms through in-out, thrusting intercourse but are able to achieve orgasm easily by masturbation or other direct clitoral stimulation. Only 30% of the women in her study reported ever experiencing orgasm during thrusting intercourse.
She has criticised Masters and Johnson’s argument that enough clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm should be provided by thrusting during intercourse, and the inference that the failure of this is a sign of female “sexual dysfunction.” Whilst not denying that both Kinsey and Masters and Johnson have been a crucial step in sex research, she believes that we must understand the cultural and personal construction of sexual experience to make the research relevant to sexual behaviour outside the laboratory. She offered the criticism that limiting test subjects to “normal” women who report orgasming during coitus was basing research on the faulty assumption that having an orgasm during coitus was typical, something that her own research strongly refuted.
The Taoist approach to pleasure and “joining of the essences” has been around for centuries. Their pleasure was purposeful: Wellness and Vitality.
From Wikipedia:
Taoist sexual practices (Simplified Chinese: 房中术, Traditional Chinese: 房中術, pinyin: fángzhōngshù), literally “the bedroom arts”, are the way some Taoists practiced sex. These practices were also known as “Joining Energy” or “The Joining of the Essences.” Practitioners believed that by performing these sexual arts, one could stay in good health, and attain longevity, and eventually, with some other ‘spiritual’ or alchemical practices, attain even immortality.
According to Ge Hong, a 4th century Taoist alchemist, “those seeking ‘immortality’ must perfect the absolute essentials. These consist of treasuring the jing, circulating the qi and consuming the great medicine.”
The sexual arts concerned the first precept, treasuring the jing. This is partially because treasuring the jing involved sending it up into the brain. In order to send the jing into the brain, the male had to refrain from ejaculation during sex. According to some Taoists, if this was done, the jing would travel up the spine and nourish the brain instead of leaving the body. Ge Hong also states, however, that it is folly to believe that performing the sexual arts only can achieve immortality, and some of the ancient myths on sexual arts had been misinterpreted and exaggerated. Indeed, the sexual arts had to be practiced alongside alchemy to attain longevity. Ge Hong also warned it could be dangerous if practiced incorrectly.
Here are some links to Taoist Sexual Practices:
I have heard about why women did not have sex with their partner as much or, in some cases, anymore. Sometimes months or years have passed without sex or affection. Resentments, anger, and other issues may be blocking the couple from getting close again. For those situations, some help and understanding may be crucial to bring those people together in a loving way.
My own path of self-discovery during my early years of self-pleasure, and partnered pleasure, allowed me to realize my full orgasmic potential. Masturbation is very necessary for understanding our own way of experiencing orgasms. I happen to be in that 5% of women that not only achieve orgasm via simultaneous clitoral stimulation and penetration, but I am also capable of multiple orgasms. I have an orgasm every time I enjoy sex. I may not have multiple orgasms every time, but I am sure to experience at least one or two orgasms within an hour of lovemaking. But, it wasn’t always that way for me. Over time, I had learned what I liked and what made me respond. How I enjoy my clitoris touched, what excites me, and even new discoveries occur after years of enjoyment and orgasmic pleasure like spontaneous orgasms (it’s happened a few times) from barely a touch of someone’s hand or a ride on my bicycle seat. Working out my triceps in the gym by pulling down on a cable gives me a little tingle down there.
Once, receiving a Thai massage gave me a spontaneous orgasm.
The therapist was massaging into my glutes, pressing his knees into my butt and hips. It was sudden and unexpected, how my body responded. I silently gasped and felt surprised that I had a sudden orgasm. No complaints about it, but I certainly wasn’t expecting an orgasm!
It took years of teenage exploration until I figured out how to touch my clitoris in a quick circle while my boyfriend was thrusting inside of me. That was when I discovered how to orgasm with my partner. I was 19 years old when I first had this a-ha moment. Eventually I learned how to orgasm without touching myself during sex. Then it was a question of what position was best.
Everyone is different. What works for me may not work for another. Even if its similar, there is no exact formula. What works for one woman may not work for another in the exact way. This is what puzzles most men. They think it is formulaic in approach, a woman’s orgasm. There are so many different variables involved. I think I have discovered a commonality among men who know how to touch a woman (okay, some women know how to touch a woman, too, but I’m talking male to female here): sensitivity and listening. There are men that by listening to a woman’s body (and not with their ears but that helps) can read their sexual response. It’s an art, a sensitivity to her own individual wiring. They are patient and very interested in her pleasure alone. They get satisfaction from pleasing her and making her feel good. They aren’t in it to get off. These patient and sensitive men tune themselves in to every breathing pattern, every motion, sound, and swell of the woman’s response. They just get it.
There are many women that do fake orgasms. My guess would be that they don’t want their partners to feel inadequate. Perhaps they are afraid to communicate to their partner. But, sometime soon, if they want to experience pleasure and to enjoy satisfying orgasms with their partner, they need to address it. It’s complex for some women to discover their orgasmic bliss.
I had one friend admit to me that she had never masturbated. We were 21 years old at the time, and I was shocked when she told me. Never? She had never masturbated. Her bedroom at home was the main walkway for the family’s bathroom. She lacked privacy. She also found it difficult to reach orgasm with her partner. Well, of course. She had never self-pleasured herself. How could she know what she liked? I was concerned for her happiness, until I noticed her Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator plugged in next to her bed in her first apartment. I smiled knowingly when I saw the vibrator, because I knew she was catching up on lost time, and er, um… orgasms.
I find that my own orgasmic patterns have deepened and become more intense as I have entered my 40s, in fact, my capacity for sexual pleasure has increased over time. I believe it has to do with self knowledge and perhaps that thing called ‘a woman’s prime.’ My erogenous zones are everywhere, and the biggest one, my brain, is very active. I have been going through perimenopause, and taking Chinese herbs from my acupuncturist to balance my hormones and rejuvenate my sexual vitality. I suspect that it was the herbs for rejuvenation of my yin essence that caused me to feel an intense desire the other night. It seemingly came out of the blue. Aphrodisiacs? What is in that tea?
I was having dinner at our favorite Japanese restaurant, when I found myself lusting over the waiter. My children were clamoring around me and my husband at our dining table, but all I could think of was the waiter, standing before me, half naked, a big hard-on pressing through his pants, his shirt unbuttoned. In my fantasy, he was taking me on the sushi counter, while the chef began to join in. (In this moment of fantasy, everyone in the restaurant disappears.) There I am, staring at the waiter, having this fantasy, when I realize that he is staring back at me in disbelief. You see, this waiter has been lusting over me quite obviously for nearly five years, and this is maybe the first time I have met his gaze in equal amounts of desire. My husband, good natured man that he is, thought it was amusing.
He reaped the benefits later that night, when I looked at him solidly and said: “I absolutely must have an orgasm right now.”
He laughed, “That’s quite a lot of pressure.”
Me: “Yes, but I know you are capable of it. No question.”
Towels placed on the bed (I finally had my period thanks to good acupuncture treatments) we made love like we did when we first met. I was really into it. My body was asking for an intensity that isn’t my usual “go slow… slower…slower” approach. No, I wanted it hard, rough, animalistic. I wanted him to pound me harder and to pull my hair, so he did with a sly smile, clutching my long hair in his hand. I squeezed my breasts and felt them bounce while he plunged deeper… pressure against my clitoris in a circle, because ah, yes… that was what I needed. I came and came in waves of orgasmic pleasure until we were both in a sweaty tangle of sighs and moans. I talked naughtily and told him sexy things I wanted to do: I wanted to watch him with another woman, and make her come like he makes me come. I wanted the waiter in my mouth while he gives me exquisite orgasms. I wanted to taste the waiter’s come, feel it all over my body; hot, delicious, sweet, salty. I was in the heat of desire and the euphoric state of orgasm. Chinese herbs, perhaps?
I said so many things that I usually keep within my mind, but I didn’t say aloud that I wanted my acupuncturist, that I wanted four men, five men, a few women, an orgy. I wanted oysters and champagne and lots of sex. I wanted to give orgasms and to have orgasms again and again. I was in a flurry of erotic fantasy, which helped me reach that magical rippling sensation within my body, something marvelous and ecstatic. I felt myself completely relaxed, letting go, allowing the wisdom of my body to do what it enjoys, and to allow my mind to roam freely through fantasies.
Multiple Orgasms are blissful experiences. I remember when I first began having them. It takes awhile during lovemaking to build up to, but eventually, reaching a heightened state of pleasure, I can experience one orgasm into another, just like waves coming to shore. A little one, another, then a big one… drifting into a little one… and men can have them too! Men are capable of orgasms without ejaculation, as well as multiple orgasms. Try reading The Multi-Orgasmic Man and also The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. Also, The Multi-Orgasmic Couple!
Orgasms. They do a body good! So go have one. Or two. Or more!
Happy July the 5th… I am creating some new articles for a few publications and for both blogs (Erotica du Jour and The Sensual Foodie) Plus, there have been so many things going on in my private life. My son is in baseball camp as well as ‘all stars’ league, so lots of baseball mom action: making sure he has enough water, food and rest, basically. And doing laundry. Constantly laundry. Then, my two younger girls are, well, young girls. They wake up early and refuse to go to bed (so I can write). But, I have perfected the art of banana pancakes recently, which is no small feat. Yes, I have finally mastered the ‘fluffy pancake secret’. Add bananas to that, and you have very fluffy, delicious banana pancakes. And, I have attempted to go to bed early(er) and get up early(er) although I do hit the snooze button quite often. Despite my snooze button fetish, I have promised myself that I would get into great shape this summer. Yet, waking up early for a walk/run on the beach has happened once this past week. I had hoped to do it every day, but when I don’t get to bed early enough, well, I do need my beauty rest. I weigh out the positives while I hit the snooze button. More sleep (beauty), or more exercise (fitness)? Or, more articles to post (intellectualism)? So, I hope to catch up with creating fresh and interesting articles for my love child Erotica du Jour. In an effort to make this a dynamic and sexy blog, I decided to create two new categories for your pleasure:
When I first decided that I wanted to film myself for Beautiful Agony’s website, I hadn’t any idea that I would be, in the process, exposing the most delicate parts of my being. I wasn’t concerned with masturbating on camera and posting it off to the Feck Party in Australia, because I was incredibly inspired by their artistic project. However, preparing to contribute my video for Beautiful Agony, in particular, has been the most nerve fraying, anxiety producing project I have ever considered. It has required me to examine the interior of my own sexual psychology. So I decided to follow through with it.
I was very certain that I would create a video, no problem. But I was hesitating to actually do it. I made numerous excuses why filming myself while masturbating was just not going to happen, today.
My gray roots are showing, I said to myself. I have to book a hair appointment first, then I will videotape. I can’t find my tripod. I need a better camera. I just can’t find my pink rabbit pearl vibrator. The bedsheets aren’t what I want in the background. I need nicer bed sheets. I have to film in the daytime. The lighting will be bad at night. I need better lighting. It’s too late now; I’ll do it tomorrow. Somehow, filming my orgasm on camera involved shopping for new bed sheets, a new camera, and getting my hair colored and styled at the salon. It was superficial and absurd to worry about those things, when I knew that it was about something else. It was about revealing the essence of my sexuality.
So many reasons why I could not masturbate and orgasm on camera overwhelmed my inner dialogue, running in a loop through my mind. Like a beginner in meditation, the many thoughts were distracting. I had carried my mini flip camera and my vibrator in my handbag for weeks. The video camera and vibrator went everywhere I went, never touched, considered, or used. I discovered, through all my excuse making, that I was still a shy introvert, and filming my face during the most intimate moment of arousal and orgasm was a brave act that exposed me completely.
A new tripod telescoped above me. All lights in the room turned on. Wearing my fuchsia silk kimono and nothing else, I positioned my head on the pillows just underneath the camera’s view. When the camera was on, I felt a sudden shyness. Afraid to breathe almost, I began touching myself. My husband was kneeling next to the tripod, naked, caressing my thighs. I wanted the weight of his body upon me, to feel him penetrate me, press his weight upon my clitoris. But, with the camera rolling and the precarious tripod between us, it felt like an awkward attempt to capture an elusive moment: the orgasm.
So many thoughts ran through my mind during our first video, and none of them were sexual. Preoccupied with the lens on me, I wanted to hide. I wanted to throw the tripod aside and clasp my husband’s warm body to mine. He was loving and tender during the filming process, as he tried to please me while we created the videotaping. He went down on me first, and touched my clitoris delicately, sliding his fingers inside my warm, wet vagina, watching my face. I felt transparent, silly, and awkward, like the tall girl wearing glasses, back in elementary school all over again.
Perhaps that was the source of my shyness: when I first started masturbating. I was in elementary school. By doing this for the camera, I discovered, I was peeling away all the experiences, and coming back to the root of my sexuality.
I was in fifth grade when I found that I had an opening in between my vaginal lips. I knew intellectually that it was there, but had never explored it with my hands. I possessed a strong concept of anatomy, with art books swelling up the majority of my bookcase. Physicians’ Desk References also took up a large part of our bookcase in my home, as well as in my grandparents’ home. The red, hard-bound books as thick as large bricks were stacked one against another in our living room bookshelf. My mother was a nurse and my grandfather was a doctor. We also had The Joy of Sex on the same bookshelf; a veritable illustrated guidebook for a young girl. I knew how babies were made, and where men put their penises, but despite such knowledge, I was still an innocent child. Putting my fingers to my vagina was something I naturally felt compelled to do, privately. I waited until my bedtime, or I disappeared into the bathroom and lay down on the soft fluff of the bathmat. I turned my walk-in closet into a secret hiding place to touch myself, quickly, before anyone discovered me. I was fortunate that my family was liberal about things, and there wasn’t any worry about such a ‘discovery’. But, innately, I felt that it was a private experience.
The human body, in our family, was a natural and beautiful thing. We were very open, and nothing was made an issue. I had two flamboyantly creative and beautiful aunts, and each had a myriad of boyfriends. Monogamy was not implied nor was it expected during my upbringing. Sexual freedom, and women’s liberation was prevalent in my house full of opera singers, flower children, and musicians. No brassieres, no deodorants; it was the 1970’s. My two aunts were earthy hippies, wearing their gossamer Indian skirts and filmy peasant tops. Disco parties were a regular occasion created by my mother. During the summer, running through the sprinklers in our backyard, completely nude, was a routine pleasure on weekends. The warmth of the California sunlight, cool water arcing in rainbows, the sprinklers misting my skin, my wet bare feet upon the grass, the scent of jasmine, eucalyptus trees, the sound of lawnmowers; all evoked summertime, my nude body exposed majestically to the sunlight.
Still, I hadn’t kissed a boy. I was about twelve years old. The tallest girl in school. Skinny and long-limbed, I wore glasses that hid my face, and I was extremely shy. I wore purple, mostly, and knee-high socks in many colors and dazzled with glittery threads. Just above those crazy socks, my knees were covered with band-aids from roller-skating and bicycle falls. I wore gobs of Bonne Bell lip gloss in Piece O’Cake or Dr. Pepper flavor. Crushes were happening with everyone in my sixth grade classroom. The two crushes I had on other boys were unrequited. The boys I liked were the ones that teased me for it. The boy who liked me was as awkward and as shy as I was. He also wore thick glasses and had buckteeth. He was Filipino, and some other mix of Asian. I tried to think of kissing him when I touched myself, but no images came into my brain. I wanted to feel desire. Then summer camp came along. We moved on to different schools. I wanted to remember the way he looked at me, to remember his gaze. I thought there was something in the way he longed for me that was worth my attention.
Instinctively, I felt aroused when lying in the sun, wearing a wet swimsuit. The sun and the ocean, the frothy, enveloping waves, swimming into them, diving, the sensory delight of water and summer heat, all memories of my eleven turning twelve year old body. But it wasn’t until I was thirteen did I learn about kissing and the reactions it causes in boys. It was more subtle, the discovery of my own arousal, and the wetness, that slippery feeling and the ache of pleasure.
The first time I had sex I was fourteen years old. By then, I had learned how to make myself orgasm, but, as I remember it, it wasn’t the kind of orgasm I have now. It was like a miniature orgasm, a prelude to womanhood kind of orgasm. It was soft and fluttery, and without depth. My pubescent orgasms were like meringue; light, and barely a taste upon the tongue of pleasure.
It was summertime when I lost my virginity. June. There was a camellia bush outside of my bedroom window. The heat of the California night, the fragrance of jasmine; sensory memories of my first sexual experience rush back into my mind. The older boy, seventeen years old, fumbling to put on his Trojan condom, all for his pleasure, his orgasm. My own pleasure that evening was the acceptance of myself as a woman. I found that my first sexual experience was liberating.
And so, as a woman, I began my sexual journey. It took some time before I figured out how to orgasm with a partner. I could definitely orgasm by masturbating, that I knew. Finally, when I was about nineteen, I cracked the code of having an orgasm during sex. I had to touch myself while my boyfriend was inside of me, rub my clitoris in little circles until the combination of my clitoral stimulation and his penetration made the most delightful waves of orgasmic pleasure happen. It was then that I discovered what it was all about. This was a true orgasm.
Not until my mid-twenties did I experience multiple orgasms without having to touch myself during sex. I found that if my lover pressed his pelvic bone against me, that the pressure was perfect combined with the rhythms of penetration. I hadn’t figured out how to come while on top of a man, nor did I get much out of the other positions, unless, of course, I was touching myself, but sometimes it took too much effort. A vibrator helped in those cases, and anal sex definitely made me respond, almost to the point of extreme, sudden orgasm. Anal sex was orgasm in zero to ninety seconds flat. It was a good precursor to regular vaginal sex then orgasm. After a few minutes of anal sex (he washed himself off clean, of course), then back to good, old-fashioned, slow motion, vaginal penetration while touching myself was, for me, the ultimate in orgasmic recipes.
Masturbation was still good, although, sex was better. Into my thirties I found myself enjoying richer, more layered orgasms, one after another, wave after wave. How to explain the deepening of one’s sexual response? It just happens, as the body becomes accustomed to pleasure, I suppose. Knowing one’s body after all the years of self pleasuring, knowing your responses, knowing what really makes you feel good. Now, in my forties, I am pleased to find that it gets even better.
On camera, I am searching for the pure source of my sexual freedom, the source of my letting go. While practicing the art of orgasm on film, I am exploring, peeling away the layers of external self, and revealing my real self, letting all else fall away. Self- pleasuring is a practice of meditation, and achieving orgasm is a source of enlightenment. When attaining enlightenment, we are truly in the moment of letting go. Orgasm must be a way, not a religion, then. In fact, Taoist sexual practices describe that sex and sexual energy are parallel to acupuncture, tai chi, qi gong, and meditation, all practices of harnessing and recycling our life energy or “chi”.
Taoists believe that the practice of feeling our orgasm and channeling that energy is calming to the mind and opening the potential of the human spirit. When we are feeling our chi during orgasm, we are practicing a Taoist internal art. There are many other aspects to the Taoist practice of channeling sexual energy and being mindful of our chi. I don’t mean to speak casually about it, nor do I intend to give any expert advice by explaining this. As a completely natural thing, sexual energy, our life force, “chi” is the ‘water of life’ as the ancients called it. My acupuncturist explained that chi is much like a water current. When receiving acupuncture, I felt my energy flowing through meridians, and understood what he meant. Our sexual energy, then, is charged with emotions, and the quality of that energy is what we are talking about. It is about balance and harmony.
Sexually, women (according to the Tao) are encouraged to orgasm as often as they desire. Women are energized by orgasms, their bodies are nourished by the flow of chi, and so it is healthy for women to enjoy their life essence. By taking in the male energy, the female is rejuvenated. There are many books and teachings on this practice.
Capturing a moment of bliss on film, I hope to discover my self on deeper levels, and express the humanness of letting go, surrendering to the magic of life. Just by filming my face when enjoying pleasure and orgasm, it takes the courage to expose oneself to the world, in the very moment of letting go. I hope that the art of my orgasm inspires.
My Beautiful Agony video will be on its way to Australia, where the Feck Party will upload it to their website, as one of the many liberated orgasms on display.
visit beautifulagony.com
Beautiful Agony… the unabashedly sexy website that exhibits thousands of real people having real orgasms.
Beautiful Agony is dedicated to the beauty of human orgasm. This may be the most erotic thing you have ever seen, yet the only nudity it contains is from the neck up. That’s where people are truly naked.
The videos were made in private by the contributor (and sometimes their partner). We don’t know what they’re doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it’s real and it’s sexy as hell. Make your ears blush by putting on your headphones and turning the sound to eleven.
Yes, there are free samples. Look for the ones with the red borders and the text underneath that says ‘free sample’.
New agony comes five times per week (at least).
They all have sound.
You will also find interesting snippets, interviews and outtakes.
Some “Agonees” have confess their dirty secrets, and you can watch and listen, so long as you promise not to tell. Look for the word ‘confessions’.
I’m creating my own “Beautiful Agony” submission for you to find…
of course, I will announce it soon, and then you’ll have to join to look for my orgasm video.
play windows media
play quicktime
beautifulagony.com
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